So far, we’ve approached the movements in the scenes in the abstract. Or at least, without worrying too much about exactly which words you use in creating them. Obviously, the words ultimately matter very much.

This lesson is about choosing words and expressions that bring the movements and drama of your scene to life, so that it exists on the page to a reader as you’ve fully imagined it in the previous lessons.

And we’ll start by talking about those troublesome actions that it’s hard to describe without being repetitive.

Walking/going

In the Russian language, there is no verb that simply means “to go.” In fact, Russian verbs of motion is a study in itself that I dipped my toe into many years ago. Although I remember exactly nothing about these words, I do remember that in Russian, you can’t just go somewhere. You have to do it in a way that’s communicated by the specific verb you use to tell someone you’re doing so.

This is obviously not true in English. And there are definitely occasions where you’ll simply want to say something like, “She went to the store.” or “I’m going away.” But there are so many other ways to convey motion. Specifically, walking.

At the risk of being very elementary here, this is a list of some of your choices of verbs to indicate that a character is going somewhere or walking somewhere. I am indebted to Claude.ai for thinking up things it would have taken me a long time to wrack my brains for:

1. Stroll: A leisurely, relaxed walk without hurry
2. Stride: A purposeful walk with long steps
3. Amble: A slow, easy-going walk
4. Trudge: A slow, tiring walk, often implying difficulty
5. Saunter: A casual, careless walk
6. Hike: A long walk, typically in nature or for exercise
7. Trek: A long, difficult journey on foot
8. Plod: A slow, heavy walk, suggesting weariness
9. Meander: To walk in a winding or indirect path
10. Prowl: A quiet, stealthy walk, often with intent to hunt or search
11. Ramble: A leisurely walk, often in the countryside
12. Traipse: To walk or travel aimlessly or reluctantly
13. Mosey: To walk in a relaxed, unhurried manner
14. Waddle: To walk with short steps and a swaying motion
15. Shuffle: To walk by dragging one’s feet
16. Tiptoe: To walk quietly and carefully on one’s toes
17. Strut: To walk with a proud, confident gait
18. Lumber: To walk heavily and clumsily
19. Swagger: To walk with an overly confident or arrogant air
20. Stumble: To walk unsteadily, almost falling

Obviously, loading up a scene with a plethora of these colorful verbs is not a good idea. I list them here simply to demonstrate that you have options, and that every movement—no matter how mundane—carries some emotional content. Notice the adjectives Claude gave me in their descriptions: relaxed, purposeful, easy-going, difficult, wearying, indirect, stealthy, confident, etc. Your choices will depend on the emotional content of your scene.

Of course, you can also choose to use adverbs—sparingly, like strong spices. Choosing the more powerful verb often (but not always) strengthens your writing. For example:

He walked proudly and confidently up to the podium.

He strutted up to the podium.

He swaggered as he mounted the podium.

The adverbs might, in your specific case, be the right choice. There’s no right or wrong here. There’s only being aware and sensitive to the context and rhythm of your prose.

Adjectives are also an option. “The audience noted his confident walk to the podium.”

Again, these are all choices, not dictates.

Looking/seeing

Another troublesome idea/action to get across without being repetitive or obvious is looking. I see that so often when I’m working with clients. This has the added hazard of being a verb that too often is employed in filtering. (I’ll cover this craft element in more detail in the next lesson.)

Once again, Claude.ai has furnished me with a list of 20 synonyms for look:

1. Glance: A quick, brief look
2. Stare: To look fixedly for a long time
3. Gaze: To look steadily and intently, often with wonder or admiration
4. Peer: To look closely or with difficulty, often squinting
5. Glimpse: To catch a quick, incomplete view of something
6. Observe: To look at carefully, often analytically
7. Inspect: To examine closely and critically
8. Scan: To look over quickly but thoroughly
9. Scrutinize: To examine very carefully and critically
10. Ogle: To look at in an amorous, flirtatious, or leering way
11. Glare: To look fiercely or angrily
12. Peek: To look quickly or furtively, often from a hiding place
13. Survey: To look over or examine comprehensively
14. Eyeball: To look at closely or critically (informal)
15. Gawk: To stare openly and stupidly
16. Peruse: To examine carefully or at length
17. Squint: To look with eyes partly closed
18. Spot: To suddenly see or notice
19. Discern: To perceive or recognize with the eyes
20. Regard: To look at attentively, often with a particular feeling

Hearing

And one more of those useful lists, this time for hear:

1. Listen: To pay attention to sound, actively trying to hear something
2. Eavesdrop: To secretly listen to others’ conversation
3. Overhear: To hear unintentionally, often something not meant for you
4. Perceive: To become aware of sound through the ear
5. Catch: To hear briefly or partially, often by chance
6. Detect: To discover or notice a sound, especially a faint one
7. Discern: To hear and distinguish a particular sound clearly
8. Heed: To pay attention to and consider what is heard
9. Tune in: To listen carefully or adjust a device to receive sound
10. Aurally process: To interpret and understand sounds through hearing
11. Attend: To pay attention or listen carefully to something
12. Register: To become aware of or notice a sound
13. Pick up: To detect or perceive a sound, often faintly
14. Harken: An archaic term meaning to listen attentively
15. Audit: To listen to, especially for evaluation purposes
16. Earwig: Informal term meaning to eavesdrop or listen secretly
17. Understand: To comprehend or grasp the meaning of what is heard
18. Apprehend: To perceive or become aware of through hearing
19. Absorb: To take in information through listening
20. Hearken: To listen; to give respectful attention (often used in formal contexts)

Even with care over the exact meanings and attention to variety, it’s still easy to bog down a scene with unnecessary or excessive descriptions of different movements between and among the characters.

To illustrate this, here are two different versions of my ham-fisted ballroom scene. See which one feels more effective and engaging to you. There may be pieces of both that you think work more or less well. Or you might hate them both! In that case, I challenge you to rewrite it in a manner that works for you (but you don’t have to do this).

Version 1

Anna tiptoed to the door of the receiving room. She knew she had to pass through it and brave the milling guests to get to the ballroom. It was her party after all. With a deep breath, she took hold of the handle and pushed the door open just enough so she could peer through the crack to see how many people were there.

Crowded. But everyone seemed engaged in talking to each other and surely no one would notice her leaving her sanctuary.

She stepped through the open door, chin high, walking purposefully in the direction of the ballroom. When a dowager tried to stop her, she nodded, pretending she did not hear her entreaties.

Music tumbled out into the saloon from the wide-open ballroom doors. Feet thumped and stepped in rhythm, shaking the floor beneath her. Would Joshua be among those in the figure of the dance? She hoped so. She wanted at all costs to avoid having him ask her to stand up with him.

As the whirling dancers came into view, Anna’s heartbeat quickened. She continued toward the entrance and paused in the doorway, scanning the joyful, shifting crowd.

And then, she caught sight of him. Her first impulse was to smile and call out. She checked herself. He’d seen her too, so now there was no avoiding him. His jagged progress at the edge of the dance as he dodged an arm flung out here and a skip there was just like him. She moved slightly to the side, aware that she blocked the entrance of the ballroom, and knitted her hands together as Joshua almost dashed the last few yards to where she stood.

“There you are!” said Joshua. “It’s such a crush. May I take you into the next set?”

She gazed into his smiling, open blue eyes. “I have to tell you something.”

“Shall we sit down instead?” he said, a crease of worry between his brows.

She shook her head. Courage, she thought. “No. It’s just that Mama has said I must not stand up with you.”

His hand halted halfway toward taking her arm to lead her onto the floor. An expression of mixed disbelief and anger darkened his eyes. He dropped his hand, squared his shoulders, and said, “I beg your pardon, Miss Manning, for incommoding you.” After a curt bow he said, “Servant,” and strode past her out of the ballroom.

Version 2

Anna walked to the door of the receiving room. She knew she had to leave and get through the milling guests to reach the ballroom. It was her party after all. So she took hold of the door handle, pressed it down and pushed the door open just enough so she could look through the crack to see how many people were there.

Crowded. But everyone seemed engaged in talking to each other and surely no one would notice her leaving her sanctuary.

With a deep breath, she walked through the open door, chin high, threading her way through the guests in the direction of the ballroom. When a dowager tried to stop her, she nodded, pretending she did not hear her.

The sound of lively dance music soon reached her ears. The ballroom doors stood wide open and dancers crowded the floor. Would Joshua be among them? She hoped so. She wanted at all costs to avoid having him ask her to stand up with him.

Anna’s heartbeat quickened. She had excused herself when the music started claiming to have to mend a rent in her lace, and it was past time for her to have achieved that repair. She walked toward the entrance and paused in the doorway, looking at the smiling, shifting crowd.

And then, she saw him. At first, she had an impulse to smile and call out to him. He made his way awkwardly around the dancers as he approached her. He’d seen her, so now there was no avoiding him. She stepped slightly to the side so she wouldn’t block the entrance of the ballroom, and knitted her hands together as Joshua hurried across the last few yards to where she stood.

“There you are!” said Joshua. “It’s such a crush. May I take you into the next set?”

She looked fondly into his smiling, open blue eyes. “I have to tell you something.” She saw the expression in his eyes darken.

“Shall we sit down instead?” he said.

She hung her head. “No. It’s just that Mama has said I must not stand up with you.”

He’d put his hand out to lead her further into the room, but stopped it halfway. His expression of disbelief was followed by one of anger. He stood there and said, “I beg your pardon, Miss Manning, for incommoding you.” And then bowed and walked past her out of the ballroom.

Claude.ai’s version

I simply had to share the following with you. I gave Claude a prompt to write a short scene with Anna going through a reception room to a ballroom to meet Joshua and tell him something bad. Here’s what AI came up with:

Miss Anna Fairfax smoothed her pale blue silk gown, her gloved hands trembling slightly. The retiring room’s quiet sanctuary would soon give way to the bustle of the evening. She dreaded what awaited her—not the scrutiny of the ton, but Joshua’s eager face.

With a deep breath, Anna stepped into the reception room. Crystal chandeliers cast a warm glow over the elegant space, their light glinting off ornate mirrors and gilded frames. She navigated around clusters of chattering guests, their conversations a soft hum in her ears.

As she approached the ballroom entrance, the orchestra’s lilting melody grew louder. Anna paused, her hand resting on the doorframe. Her childhood friend would be searching for her, his green eyes alight with hope. How could she tell him that her father had arranged her marriage to the elderly Duke of Westmorland? That their shared dreams of a future together were now just that—dreams?

Anna squared her shoulders, steeling herself for the encounter ahead. With a heavy heart, she stepped into the ballroom, her eyes already scanning the crowd for Joshua’s familiar face. It was time to face the music—and the harsh reality of her situation.

Decent effort, culling quite a collection of cliches! And I have to give the algorithm credit for engaging almost all the senses. The arranged marriage was an element introduced by Claude…

Exercise

Write two to three versions of your test scene, playing around with the words that describe walking, seeing, and hearing. It’s fine to add to the scene as you become aware in your imagination of the sensory input your characters must experience. Try to imbue the versions with emotion and meaning, conveyed through your choice of words. And if you’re willing to experiment, see what your favorite AI version comes up with if you give it a prompt.